5 Stupid Reasons Why I'd Rather Collect Mussels Than Build Them

5 stupid reasons… a random opinion piece here. With the time I’ve been escaping from reality by playing games once more, I wonder if I need to escape and instead just prefer my own time exploring the islands in Animal Crossing: New Horizons than reconnecting with the outside world.

Get some fresh air, or go for a walk is the mantra in my household at the moment, and it’s all very beneficial, but I must say, I’m enjoying this bit of self-indulgence by switching off to it all.

So, I’ve got Animal Crossing: New Horizons now, and I understand what all the fanfare was about. In the short time I’ve had it, just over a week, I’ve been blitzing it. Not because I’m in a hurry to unlock everything or impatient, but because I occupy this space. It’s mine.

On the surface, I dismissed the game as a little bit lame. That’s without giving it any more thought, other than ‘oh, this must be a Pokémon thing’. The latter was a scene that I skipped over and only introduced to it through my eldest daughter. And also the Chinpokémon episode from South Park.

What is Animal Crossing: New Horizons? Mostly bliss. I’ve gone from creating an avatar that looks nothing like me to a significant playa (that’s how you spell it) in the development of the island. The mortgage has been paid, and I’ve subsequently set up another remortgage for more space that I don’t need. Also, I’ve sourced the materials for a new shop, visited a handful of new locations and encouraged visitors to relocate to my island.

Even better, I’ve set up a gift network with my little girl who shares the island with me – sending little Post-it notes to each other ‘Here’s a surfboard’ or ‘Celebrate Tanabata with this bamboo plant’.

As you probably know, there’s a built-in clock, but as I look to my side see my activity watch needing a charge again, as for the past week, I haven’t been counting steps or doing any proper exercise.

Outside is currently overrated with the numptys who feel they’re immune to social distancing. I want to stay home and collect mussels on the outskirts of my island than build them.

Not entirely true, but it’s a feature!

Yes, yes, yes: going out and enjoying a healthy lifestyle, interacting with one another is essential, BUT, I’m not a doctor. I say grab another bowl of Shreddies, fill your water bottle and indulge in some niche object collecting.

1: Tapping the A Button Through Tom’s Rhetoric Is My HIIT For The Day

With the real-time environments in the game, Animal Crossing: New Horizons can promote time management, and through repetition, gives faster visible results than dieting or hitting the gym would achieve. Without pulling a single muscle or necking one protein shake, I have some sexy thumb definition going on.

I found out ‘the hard way’ that playing the game in the early hours wasn’t constructive as everyone had gone to bed. As they should. So, as any responsible adult would do, I’d wake up, get washed and dressed and schedule in a bit of island time before real work begins.

Apparently, in real life, most people are sleeping in the early hours as they have work in the morning, or, if reading during the lockdown, have some Netflix shows to consume. Animal Crossing: New Horizons teaches us to form patterns; get up, make yourself presentable, then slouch in a comfortable seat and procrastinate productively.

But every day is a workout day and pending you have the right equipment (HoriPad Split Pad Pro) and do your stretches, you neither need the space to do a rep or wake anyone up with your incessant grunts and excessive sweating.

But, in all seriousness kids, for someone who doesn’t like being in a rut, if I can dedicate time to this game, Mario Kart Tour or Fallout Shelter regularly, there’s no excuse for not picking up the kettlebell. No matter what spin I put on it.

2: Despite Being A Shady MF, I Find Tom Nook More Trustworthy Than Most

Sure, his sleepy exterior isn’t all-too encouraging, but Tom Nook is a master salesperson. He cuts through a deal like a razor through butter, and has this persona that makes you buy into the dream; helping the island reach its potential, but lining his pockets.

You know, your tent is beautiful. Really, it is. But, now that you’ve paid your debt back to me and have financial freedom how about, y’know, ringing my bell (steady) and, furnishing me with bells and I’ll give you a pretty li’ home you’ve always dreamed of?

No one gets hurt, right? Sure, you’re milking the oceans for all its got, and the trees haven’t been this bare and exposed since having that one-to-one with Dr Phil about that ‘one time’ in college, but it’s a win-win. 

The island attracts tourism, well, people who want to see your home, and you finally get to whack up a splash of colour on the walls instead of that drab tarpaulin you had in the tent days.

You don’t have to engage with Tom. Ignorance is bliss, and you can live out your days fishing, swimming in the sea or commissioning another t-shirt design. You choose to catch up with the loveable rogue. Unlike that small print you have in your new phone contract:

Thou shall engage in an unlimited subscription plan, forever extended through new(ish) updates of the same product.

With the recent bout of isolation, I need to renew my faith in humanity again. No one has done anything to me directly for it to be a bad thing, but the disconnection with people makes them feel even more like strangers.

On the island, everyone’s there by choice and community is every sense of the word. 

My door is never locked, my clothing collection is often left outside in the rain where I’ve dumped it due to having my pockets full, and not one person has swiped them, or defecated on them either. 

I trust my fellow islanders, and I trust Tom Nook.

3: Social Distancing With Textbook Execution 

The digital world has its fair share of viruses, but other than RSI and not getting any work done, there’s not much wrong with the virtual world. 

Another argument you can have with your significant other, parents, siblings or boss, is you are socialising. You’re visiting other islands meeting new people while respecting the social distance guidelines: they have their fishing spot, I have mine.

I have a fresh anecdote. Yesterday I ran an errand for my wife to drive her and the kids into the city to pick up a package. Nothing that warrants a Hollywood script.

To minimise the risk, and also the time involved when the 3-year-old wants to practice their pigeon steps with no concept of time, wifey went one way, we went the other, more open-world path.

Donning our masks for our first day in High Street open surgery, I was amazed at the mixed messages and enforcement of social distancing. There were stencils or decals on the floor detailing the 2-metre distance, but throughout the shops, people were comfortably blocking aisles, and not moving out of the way of one another. Still, a handful of people were visibly touchy if anyone broke that distance in the queue.

Equally, the staff in the shops were hit and miss. Either they weren’t given adequate training, or they don’t give a funk. Some stores let you in, tapping a clicker in the process, a few had lines outside and would call you in, then the others wouldn’t be manned and you could come and go as you please.

As there’s nothing to enforce social distancing legally, nor is it a crime not to wear a mask, there’s a certain courtesy that could be promoted. My fellow islanders get that.

Not once has anyone overstepped the mark, no coughing without covering the mouth, and whenever I’ve been browsing the Nook’s Cranny (that’s what she said), the staff were always courteous and the place was never overcrowded.

Another stupid reason why I’d rather be playing this game than going outside, but this is from a gaming bias. We can save all the realistic grown-up arguments for those with an adult mind.

I’m a big kid trapped in a small man’s body who believes he’s still a kid.

4: Pimping Out Your Home Without Getting Liquids On The Carpet

No, not the wrong kind, or ‘gut out your rust bucket of a car and install a 55inch TV and pool table’, but pimping your digs to something that represents you. 

Half the time I spent playing The Sims was to improve on my decorating skills rather than playing the actual socialising aspect that it encourages. 

Though you can’t do much with your tent, once you get the itch with your new brick and mortar property, you’ll find a new love for interior design. 

Lighting is the finishing touch to a room, and this can be achieved with various tricks to make your home pop. Once it’s up to speed, invite some friends round, show them your orchard or the feature birdhouse you put out back, so you had enough room to plant your coconut trees.

Choosing a design can be a bit risky, and you’ll never know the outcome unless you go in two-footed, but often, the results are great, and woodpiles on the wall look much better than they sound.

As this isn’t a review, I’m not giving authority on the game as there’s so much to experience, but I am hopeful I can replace the location of buildings.

While I’d like to think I’m a design maverick, I like order, so my island needs some sort of symmetry like my Minecraft accommodation. Sure, it’s often run-of-the-mill and predictable, but design also means function and not how pretty it is.

That said, I’ve had a look at some YouTube videos, and Twitter images and some of these places on display are amazing. I have much to learn!

Still, unlike recently painting the downstairs toilet, I won’t be spilling any pain on the wooden floors, and if I get the colour wrong, ol’ Nook will sort me out with an alternative design. For a price.

5: Finding Simplicity In Life Leads To A Quiet Mind

I’ll leave that kind of view in the hippy bank, as I’m sure you’re already skimming after reading the social distancing point, but keeping things simple is a great way to unwind.

Remember, it’s just a game, but a game can do many things for you, dear friend. It can take you to a land that doesn’t exist outside of your Japanese handheld rectangle or instil some tranquillity through retail therapy.

Whatever your stance on consumerism, it’s hard to deny that finding an interest in simple objects has a certain charm to it. When my daughter gifted me a surfboard in the game, I was quick to place it on display, then spent the next 5-10 minutes rearranging the room to make it a focal point.

Brilliant. Outsiders can say how pointless this is and that it has no real effect on your everyday life, but how come I’m so chilled? These past few weeks have been an absolute ballache. While there haven’t been sleepless nights, this current climate has started to take its toll on me, fellow gamers. Especially when I thought I was doing so well and deserved a lollipop.

Finding pleasure in the simple things and being grateful for what you have is a lovely quality to have, and before Hippy Knight starts forcing a hug from you once more, I’ll put a stop to this little post.

While it hasn’t taken long to write it, as it’s only my thoughts and nothing here is factually accurate, I hope it’s kept you from raiding the cookie jar, distracted you from the monotony of whatever it is you’re doing or is the catalyst that says “What’s that fool writing about? I can start my own website and share my thoughts. They’re much better than this!”.

Do it.

It’s easy to be destructive than creative, so step out of your comfort zone and do something creative (like rearranging your Animal Crossing: New Horizons home).

I’m going to make myself a real-world bucket to spew in after this moral gumpf, then get back to some ‘proper work’.

Harvesting parsnips.