Mullet MadJack Review: Kill The Billionairres! Kick The Doors In! Sport A Mullet!

That Vulgar Knight chap gives out five stars willy-nilly. That may be true, but explain why Mullet MadJack shouldn’t get five stars. I’m not listening. It’s the next best thing after an actual mullet, and while I’m all for free-thinking, you should agree with me, hop onto Steam and buy it. No questions asked.

Any of you smug bastards that wield a bit of free-thinking and make your own minds up, here’s a slew of words to convince you of the above.

Developed by Hammer95, the game has already won the Pulitzer for its promotional material. An 80s/90s fusion of anime, mullets, dopamine, and sex. Not the latter, silly. You don’t even need a coherent sentence – that’s marketing. Even better, Mullet MadJack hits every note and deconstructs the acronym to ‘Fast Paced Shooter’. 

Mullet MadJack Review

You play as hard-boiled cop Jack and are about to storm through 60 floors of robot-infested billionaires to free an influencer. That’s not the incentive that washes with me, but let’s humour the plot and unleash the mullet. From the moment the concierge fails to open the door to the point where you kick the doors in (all of ’em), this game is frickin’ relentless. It’s non-stop! It’s the BEST!

In 2090, humans have let themselves down—not with TikTok or perms, but through their need for dopamine shots every 10 seconds. Can’t get the hit? You’re dead, bruh. That means that life in the fast lane applies to everyone, and the ante is further raised when billionaire robots hold the key to a decent fix. 

Starting again is in multiples of ten, so at the end of level 10 or thereabouts, you’ll encounter a boss, and should you defeat it, unlock a new set of floors known as the next chapter and your new starting point. To say the game is fast-paced is an understatement, but it is one of the many selling points. Of course, pussoirs can opt for easier levels – even ending the timer altogether, but I advise against it – it makes it harder to some degree and less exciting.

Hyper-Mode

Aside from having no timer and easy modes, there’s the standard normal mode, a challenge mode, hard, and… permadeath. The latter is for masochists or legends – this game is unbelievably tough. While I was elated from the moment I laid my eyes on the katakana-infused menus, gorgeous blend of cyberpunk, Duke Nukem quips and gratuitous death blows, I was in love, but not getting very far.

Mullet MadJack is perpetually at death’s door and will kick it down, kick robots into it, and other electrifying environmental hazards to stay alive and rescue the influencer, a.k.a. The Princess. Each floor is speedrunning heaven as you dash through this FPS, hitting ANYTHING in sight. Through each kill, you accumulate seconds that add to your life, run out and you have to repeat from the beginning.

Lowering the levels did not make a difference, but the katana did. That’s right, my top tip is to opt for a katana the moment it becomes available (temporary buffs at the end of each floor), equip it with the deflect ability, and you’re almost untouchable, pending you sprint and don’t stop for any old ladies crossing the road. It’s intense, a rush, and incredible fun.

Time is of the essence in Mullet MadJack, and you’ll be blessed with bragging rights when awarded a mullet rank, enviable completion time and multiple kills should you be worthy of the mullet. While you earn buffs at the end of each floor, defeating a boss unlocks a permanent perk. This adds to the replayability to the point where it’s the ultimate rogue-lite: plenty of difficulty levels, chapter selection for your favourite locations, an endless mode, and leaderboards.

Mullet MadJack Review Summary

If that wasn’t an incentive enough to keep playing Mullet MadJack, you’re continually rewarded with fast-paced cutscenes that’ll make any real anime fan wet their pants. If you like any of the older anime, Saturday morning cartoons, and, well… cool stuff, Hammer95 will have you in the palm of their hands. They only have to reach out for my PIN and I’ll give it to them – Mullet MadJack is genius.

p.s. Most of my time playing this game was on the Steam Deck, which runs flawlessly.