Musashi Vs Cthulhu Review: Crouching Katana, Hidden Tentacle

Musashi Vs Cthulhu: a match made in heaven (or hell)? It’s quite an unusual setup, don’t you think? It’s not like the Sword Saint and the Great Dreamer have ever crossed paths before, so it’s a unique approach, and given that most gamers know who both of them are, there’s no need for introductions.

Alas, if you thought Musashi Musashi was what Japanese people say when they answer the phone or believe that a sugar-coated Cthulhu is something you dip in melted chocolate, you might have to bust out the books/trawl through the internet: this game from Cyber Rhino Studios and QUByte Games is devoid of all sorts of story, campaigns and dangly bits and is a one-hit-pony. Well, multiple hits if you’re much of a warrior.

One-hit-pony usually spells gimmick or is lacking in the feature department, and though the latter does apply here, Musashi Vs Cthulhu does what it does very, very well. As Musashi, you’re placed in the centre of the screen, feet glued to the floor, while all manner of deep ones approach from both sides to give you a good hiding. He’s been cursed, like Guts in Berserk, and the Great Old One has sent his mates out to get him.

Naturally, as the world’s most infamous ronin since that bloke from Irish boyband Boyzone, you’ll return the gesture with a sword to the forehead, chest, ankle, or other appendage (if it has one), using a three-directional attack. Enemies approach from the left and right and feature weak points Musashi must exploit. Playing on the Steam Deck, up, left, and down on the d-pad would attack the associated direction on the left and Y, B, and A on the right.

Think of Guitar Hero or Fornite Festival, and you’ll get the idea. It’s a straightforward setup expertly seen in IK+ on the Amiga, then later in One Finger Death Punch, with fewer options. Sure, you can adjust the sound, brightness and how much money you want to transfer into your bank account via the options menu, but there aren’t any additional modes in Musashi Vs Cthulhu: it’s just standing in one point and slashing away.

There are no philosophical quotes from the great Takezo, expansive rice fields to explore, power-ups, buffs or secret passageways. Sceptics might be leaning back in their Clutch chairs, folding their arms and saying, “Sounds like a demo”. In some respects, it is, but we haven’t tackled that rogue-like catnip loop yet.

Maintain a perfect succession of hits uninterrupted, and you’ll gain some achievements. Kill so many types of enemies that the same will apply. So, even if you are Musashi incarnate, you’ll still have a reason to keep playing to improve your score and compare it with the leaderboards. Being quite up-to-speed in the ways of the warrior, I thought I was doing well, then saw other players’ scores, which motivated me further.

Musashi Vs Cthulhu is so moreish as you’ll think that ‘one more go’ will secure you that win, but after seeing off 100+ enemies perfectly, your co-ordination goes down the pan, and you press the wrong command, followed by another series of guffs. Back to square one, and you have yet to get anywhere near those high scores. At least you’ve killed 1000 of those minions now. That’ll show them. Cthulhu, you’re next.

So yeah, Musashi Vs Cthulhu is an incredibly simple game, yet if it weren’t for Fallout Shelter taking up my time (again) on three different devices, I’d be playing this repeatedly. You might wince at the score I’m gonna give it, but it’s arbitrary. I’d give Capri Suns a 5/5, Lamborghinis a 3/5 and Tuesdays a 2/5. I love it, you might not. Seek some other views, then etch this quote into your desk. They’re coming for ya…

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.