Sex Coach Hot Yoga Demo: Don't Hold Your Breath

Gee… I wonder what Sex Coach Hot Yoga is about? Could it be – fuck it. You know why you’re here: is there nudity? Will I bust a nut? Can this help me score? There’s one ‘yes’, a ‘I’m not prepared to answer that’, and an ultimate ‘no’. But should you download it?

First off, Sex Coach Hot Yoga is a demo available during the Steam Next Fest, so it’s free, but so is PornHub. Perhaps I’m being naive here, but my understanding is you want T&A – tits AND a story. Well, the former is there, but the story is meh.

You play as [insert your name here], allegedly an expert in yoga, having had 5 years of practice from the great guru Vishal, but with the personality of a dog turd. Not you, the protagonist. I wonder if this was written by a person, AI, or an unfortunate translation. There’s something not right about it.

Between monologues, a red alert dialog box will appear to indicate that you have to do something like click on an object or person, which is duly outlined in yellow. These interactive bits don’t require any skills as there is usually only one option anyway, and… ah, bollocks to it. This dude is creepy, and the writing is off. How about we get to the fleshy bits?

Well, considering that the setup in Sex Coach Hot Yoga is based around a job interview, your character manages to feel up the boss, get hired, walk into the ladies locker room, peer at some random nudes, hide in a locker, get introduced to Hilda and her beaver, and without any formal intros on your part, you slip it in. Erm… what just happened?

The animation is good if you have no idea of scale, but the premise is unnatural. It makes the 70s porn plumber or the dude who comes to fix the photocopier and ends up being more endowed than John Holmes a more believable scenario. Kids, this isn’t how these things happen. If you want something more substantial in the genre, check out College Kings 2, watch some porn, or learn to play the piano. Go forth, my friends. Be free!