In Vampire Therapist, you play as Samuel Wells (Sam), a 200-year-old immortal vampire cowboy who goes on a walk for 90-odd years and finds himself in Europe under the tutorage of an ancient vampire named Andromachos (Andy), who provides therapy for self-destructive sun dodgers.
Already, this premise sounds a little… out there. Little Bat Game’s debut is considered a comedy title, but in my opinion, that’s more of an afterthought as this psychological simulation is profound, meaningful, and utterly engaging. In Sam’s journey to find Self, he must first help others.
Cyrus Nemati created Vampire Therapist. You may have heard of him in Duck Detective: The Secret Salami, Unavowed, Kelvin and the Infamous Machine, or, most likely, Hades. He’s a voice actor. As this is arguably his passion project, he writes the theme tune, sings the theme tune, and carries the weight of the characters through his voice-acting talents.
Vampire Therapist Review: Under The Microscope
The point of Vampire Therapist is for Sam to find himself by helping others. He’s merely a guide and not a teacher or overall authority. He’s the patient/student in some ways and learns that his beliefs align with actual psychological practices. Despite his labelling, Sam is gifted – empathetic and a natural for the role of a therapist, even if he doesn’t set out to be one.
Under Andy’s (bat)wing, he’s assigned a caseload of vampires from different eras, each with their hangups. These aren’t petty little whinges but severe afflictions that apply to us all, from narcissism and catastrophe to labelling and the ‘should’ mentality. As many of us know, we look to the past to address issues of the present. Despite all their supposed wisdom over the centuries, vampires have as many insecurities, mental blocks, and other emotional baggage as us.
In Vampire Therapist, Sam sits with the patient and hears about their issue(s). A dossier provides details of areas to work on, but art imitating life, we often find something more deep-rooted through conversation – no, through listening. The vampire will make statements, and it’s up to Sam to pick the term that best describes what they are experiencing. Getting a little stuck? Sam has a journal he can consult for terminology, plus Andy will telepathically deliver a helping hand.
Bloody Hell!
Unsurprisingly, the voice talent and art are very good throughout. Vampire Therapist is effectively an interactive visual novel. Some may interpret that as a negative, especially if you had similar views to me a couple of years back, yet that’s not the intention. The conversations aren’t one-dimensional and feel two-way, even if you are essentially the listener of the piece—both as the player and the therapist.
On the downside, the minigame elements briefly burst the immersion bubble. Sam can’t survive on Greggs and Nandos, so instead must feat upon claret. If confidant Crimson isn’t supplying you with herbal teas infused with blood, you must take the initiative and sink your fangs into the ol’ jugular. Having a fang icon dash around the screen to click once it lands upon the veins was flat—the same for a meditation session.
As a habitual meditator, I appreciate replicating the ‘getting in the zone’ is hard to encapsulate in a game. Still, the first time Sam is exposed to this, it spoiled the experience — again, briefly. A set of lungs is on the bottom right of the screen. Hold down a button to inhale, then release to exhale, moving the cursor to focus on a thought. This bit crashed for me, and I had to load a saved game as I could not progress. Even if it worked technically, it slowed the pace and stuck out like a sore thumb.
Being around vampires can be mentally exhausting. Thankfully, you can always watch the box at the end of a long day in the comfort of a guest’s coffin. Here, Sam debriefs by reading or watching a clip from a public domain video, much like in Stone, and you can see the likes of The Three Stooges or Betty Boop. It’s not the game’s focal point, but it works really well, and I’d have loved to have seen a full-screen option to watch the clips without interruptions.
Vampire Therapist Review Summary
Vampire Therapist isn’t a challenging game; it’s more to do with the experience. Select the wrong answer, and there’s another attempt – the only penalty is a missed trophy if that’s more important to you. On a personal level, the themes appeal to me based on my own experiences with counselling, meditation, and CBT. Some areas may trigger some, but it’s unintentional – the content is respectful, informative, and amusing, drawing upon that comedy reference at the beginning. It’s bloody good.
