Beat One Out In VanillaBeast: Retro Knock-Out!
No doubt on some sexy, slippery, and sausage-based undercover mission, VanillaBeast has been on a slight hiatus since the announcement of Ace in the Hole. This made me sad as I was hopeful that his opus would hit the shelves in early 2023. Good news, everyone: VanillaBeast: Retro Knock-Out! is on its way in early 2023.
Not just some pop-up news piece for you to read and then go on your way; I was fortunate to get an early look at the demo, and in some respects, didn’t want to share this with the world. Is it so bad that it should be buried along with E.T. and that stuffed toy you… experimented with? On the contrary, it’s right up my alley (steady), and it was made for me. I don’t want to share it.
Fortunately for you, it will be available for the masses, and you can play the VanillaBeast: Retro Knock-Out! demo this very second after downloading it on Steam. I predict this series will be a big success and anticipate that as the likes of IGN and such jump on Vanilla’s <insert something witty yourself>, there won’t be any exclusives from me, but it’ll be at the top of my list.
Fanboy elements over, what is it? As you sharpies will figure, VanillaBeast: Retro Knock-Out! is a spin on Super Punch-Out!! It plays the same; simple controls but brutally tough, depending on who you ask. Blending into the VanillaBeast myth, you play the titular character as they intend to claim the throne and be the bestest boxer in the world. This isn’t a Jake Paul vehicle and is far more believable. If you’re also a ‘fan’ of the see you next Tuesday (Brits will get the reference), you’ll fight a parody of him in the opening round.
In preparation for your fight, Beast will go through training where you have to hit a training bag in the order of the commands that show up. Simple as it may be, I stacked it playing on the keyboard, so highly recommend a controller or asking that Saint Nick bloke for a favour or two and adding one to your list.
As a Vanilla beast game, there’s a lot of personality here. Timid gamers may not like his introduction as he’s in a club with one of the employees playing his man flute. I could be wrong – as a demo, it was censored, so maybe she was looking for a contact lens. On his nob. Regardless, the opening sequence is beautifully illustrated by Oleg Okunev of Metropolis: Lux Obscura fame. I like it a lot.
Visually, VanillaBeast: Retro Knock-Out! is a throwback to the 16-bit era, but the actual gameplay looks like arcade graphics – a teeny bit like WWF WrestleFest, in my opinion. While I liked the intro sequences, I was apprehensive there might be a lack of continuity in the game, with every proposed style of game being aesthetically different. That said, between rounds, i.e. losing, you get to walk around Beast’s apartment, which is the same graphical style as that preview from before, featuring some flesh mags, too.
Again, it’s censored, and while owning the internet and having access to a plethora of filth, I couldn’t help but want to see more boobies. Less is more, future devs.
So yeah, VanillaBeast: Retro Knock-Out! is a preview so short and sweet. We all know what Super Punch-Out!! is, but this has a personal spin, and as introduced, this feels like it was made for me. I mean, anyone who quotes Jack Burton gets top marks. A bit like the Punch-Out!! homage, Billion Beat; I also recommend it. Keep an eye on VanillaBeast – this series will be a retro wet dream in due course. Shut the door, close the curtains, wash your hands, download the demo, and enjoy.